Here I am right now.

I'm unshaven and I feel like it makes me look hobo-like but that's okay. I cheated a little bit, I took one picture with my glasses and one without. Then I cropped the pictures

Now  my readers can see that  I am occasionally not in a costume.

Also my very round head gives off the illusion the rest of me is round as well.  It isn't.  In the past few years I've gained enough weight to just barely reach the lower end of the healthy weight for my height.

           Apparently my last entry was my most popular xanga entry of all time---and all I did was type the F word for a few pages.  I normally avoid swearing because I don't want to post things that I wouldn't want a future employer to find.  I only swear like that around close friends. I was thinking of saving my next entry for something substantive so hopefully keep some the readers I caught with my last lowering of my standards--but bah I have more important things to do. You should all keep subscribed to me anyway for those rare occasions I'm worth reading.  I absolutely loved how so many people agreed with the last post.  You all gave me a good laugh and made me feel better. Thank you.

         Last night I had a dream.  I was substitute teaching at a high school and began to thumb through a book about the band Journey and a native America style of wrestling.(Non-sequitors are a theme of my dreams.)  Then I remembered the idea of senior skip day. In the dream I thought "When will be my senior skip day from this point in my life?" I want to get accepted to a graduate school and take the day off to celebrate.  I woke up reinvigorated to get stuff done in that direction.  I'm still unsure how I can improve my record enough for a school to care. But there is still plenty I can do.

A compromise between blogging and productivity.

A compromise between blogging and productivity.

I’d like to start off this entry by with a heartfelt “fuck-you” to all barriers.  I am frustrated that I am not in graduate school yet.  On my drive home today, I found myself composing a letter in my head to the CIA about why they should hire me--and it was sounding pretty good.

However, composing that particular letter is an idiotic waste of my intellect.  I want to teach philosophy--so I should be writing to graduate schools.  But because it is the will of the gods that I should be a failure in life, I have received only rejections for two years now.

I both felt the urge to complain about this on xanga and be productive.  To compromise I’m writing the rough drafts of letters to schools here.  I seem to have an easier time composing the letter to the CIA because of the lack of pressure.  I imagine if, for the time being, I address my letters to Professor Xanga I will focus easier and be less distracted.

Dear Professor Xanga,

You should accept me to your graduate philosophy program.  Because--other than being a little less than neuro-typical--I have more dedication than all of those fools who apply to your graduate school to avoid facing the real world. 

During my career in your program, you will learn that I have faced a much less certain real-world than they have.  Consequently, I will go into the doubtful journey towards a tenured professorship with not a fucking thing to lose that I wont lose eventually anyway.  I am so very dedicated to my goal of admission into your graduate program I would gladly use my fingernails to peel every last layer of skin off your current graduate student population.  However, if it would better fit your fancy, I would also agree to a cage fight to the death against those previously mentioned graduate students.  My ferocity and lust to further my education by itself will give me the advantage in whatever armed or unarmed combat you’d choose.

How’s that?  Perhaps, a little too forceful?  Let me try again.

Any and all comments on the following draft would be much appreciated.

Dear office of graduate admissions at Xanga,

            I’m now going on my third year applying to graduate schools.  The previous two years I was unsuccessful and I’m hoping I could get some advice on how to make my record stand out more.  A brief correspondence with one of your admissions officials last year indicated that my GRE scores made me unlikely for acceptance.  However, I believe my GRE scores greatly understate my abilities.

            It is important to note that my grades within my philosophy courses only once fell below an A-.  I received a B+ in a philosophy of religion course.  That semester, for personal reasons, was very emotionally trying for me,  so the grade I received should be treated only as an exception.  Further inspection of my record should reveal that although my overall GPA may only be a 3.3 I did my best to occupy my time with challenging courses, often outside my major.  I took science major level courses in chemistry and biology purely out of my love of knowledge.  My microbiology professor commented when she realized I was a philosophy major, “What?  Do you take hard courses just to torture yourself?”  I responded facetiously, “Yes.” The reality is, when I’m struggling between many challenging classes is when I am the happiest.

            There is a reason for the chasm between my GRE scores and my actual grades.  I did not receive accommodations I did not think I needed.  I was identified as dyslexic in first grade.  I was provided accommodations throughout my education up into undergrad.  However, toward the end of undergraduate school I used the accommodations provided much less. I was then informed that in order to receive accommodations on the GRE I would need to spend a thousand dollars to be reassessed. I wasn’t about to spend that money for something I didn’t think I need.  Consequently, my scores were less than stellar. 

            Since that experience, I decided to have my alleged learning disability reassessed so I could seek accommodations.  It was then recommended by the UCONN psychiatric services clinic that I should receive double time on the GRE test.  I have since sent my documentation in and my accommodations are pending the approval of ETS.  However, I’m hoping that my GRE scores won’t continue to misrepresent my abilities.  If it would help with the consideration of my record I would gladly provide documentation of my learning disabilities and the recommendations for accommodations that accompanied them.

Please advise if this route or any other routes may be necessary to improve my chances of admission to your program.

Sincerely,
Alexander the Zounderkite(Imagine for a moment that Zounderkite is my real and not weird last name.)

1.If you were a graduate school admissions official would you bother to read this bullshit?

2. If you were a graduate school official would you give a rats-tush about my situation?
3. Should I avoid mentioning I'm dyslexic?

4.Are you a graduate school official? Can you help me? Sad Zounderkite am I. I’ll have to put on my sad-face mask.

A moving video about deconversion.