Introspection on parenting.

Introspection on parenting.

I have two brothers. 
I'm the middle child, and of the three of us, I'm the only one that seems open-minded about the idea of having kids.
I'm also the only one that is not married. Both of their wives share their inclination against having kids.
It looks like the responsibility to pass the family line, falls on me if anyone.

I often daydream about how I'd raise kids, and whether I could do a good job at it.

But I strongly lean against the idea.

It makes me wonder why my brothers and I all dislike the idea.
Well, our image of childhood is kind of interrupted.

At ages 
5, 9, 12
It became clear that my Mom's illness would be permanently disabling. 
She was 35 at the time.

Then about nine months later our father committed suicide.

I have to think hard to remember the good times of childhood, I wonder if my brothers have the same problem.

Our lives were pretty damn good before then.
Our mother took a break from her career to spend more time with us. We often drove back to Ohio where we would be surrounded by family.
In the summers our Mom would have us do all kinds of science projects.

Then suddenly we had to worry who in the house would drive to get groceries.  Let alone our concern about where the money would come from.
We were living in the town my biological father grew up in, and had a very connected family. That sounds like ti would have ameliorated the problem. However, blame was thrown around. Thus many people in the community looked down upon us. Up until my twenties I almost never saw the family on my Dad's side. 
 

When we became teenagers we were all very self-aware and safe.  None of us lived with that teenager sense of indestructibility.
In my twenties I've had some fun. But for me, adulthood has always been the requirement for fun.
My ability to have my life in order. 

I have a tendency to see childhood as an upsetting tearing away of comfort. 
If I think hard I remember the good times. But I'm not inclined to subject a human being to childhood.

It would seem selfish of me.

I'd probably be a terrible parent, because despite my patience, and my principled nature I think I'd go overboard.

I'd either be terrified my kids weren't enjoying their childhood, and spoil them.
Or I'd be a horrible parent because I'd expect them to appreciate what they have to a degree they couldn't comprehend.

I also want to be a much more successful person before I would consider having kids.
While there is nothing wrong with working menial jobs in itself, I don't want to accidentley set the example that it's O.K. to be unsuccessful.
The world tosses around people who think it's okay to be less than what they could be.
I'd feel I under-prepared kids to let them have any other notion by example. 

 -Alexander the Zounderkite

I love medeski, martin, and wood.

They are pretty epic tastic.

John Medeski is like a made scientist adjusting and tweaking his keyboards around him as he plays.
Chris wood is like his hunchback assistant plucking away at that bass.

Billy Martin is his own fantastic character.

When his drumkit isn't enough he has a table with a bunch of crap on it behind him that he just starts beating on.
The junk flies everywhere. But he keeps playing because his presence of mind cannot be interupted.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WoJRlok3Ezk
 



Yes............. 

This weekend didn't suck?

Recap: 
I rave danced wildly, and I still had the presence of mind to leave at a responsible hour. 
Then we found a friend's car was broken into and Brandon's phone was stolen. 
Then I got a $140 dollar speeding ticket. 
This all challenged my reasonable hour accomplishment. 

Next day: I drove for two hours, only to hang around three hours then drive for another two hours. All the while I was sore from rave dancing the night before. 
In between I was randomly handed a baby, and instructed to feed it. 
Luckily the baby was taken back eventually. 
(It was my friend's godson. She seemed to trust I had some kind of maternal instincts quickly.)
I had to admit I didn't know how to hold a baby. But the baby did smile at me eventually. So I don't think I completely failed. 
Then a friend and I hung around her apartment for a little bit and ate food. 
It was an even more rough weekend for her, but those details aren't mine to tell. 

Somehow I feel like this weekend was refreshing. 
I did get some dancing in, a little road tripping and hanging out with someone. 
Now I have the energy to get productive!

-Alexander the Zounderkite

 

I'm so frustrated with my career right now....

I'm so frustrated with my career right now....
I want to just move back in with my parents, work a dumb job, and spend the rest of my time working on my music.

Sure I'm capable of so much more.  
But what benefit does it bring me?

I could have been a straight A student in grad school. I could have made my primary career goals work out.

But I didn't. My Mom was sicker than usual. The whole first year I had to worry I might get a phone call any day that she was dead. 
I needed to take a semester off to recoup so I could do well.
I didn't because I was in a hurry to get it over with.  
I kept delaying taking a semester off.

I felt fairly determined to take this semester off.
For some reason my Mom was very angry at me for suggesting this.
She was insisting that if I came home I would never go back.  That would have been completely contrary to my personality.  I don't give things up.
I hated little-league when I was eight years old, but I didn't want to quit.

I have two classes and a forty page final paper to finish to graduate. But I'm exhausted. I'm burnt-out. I'm not doing what I'm capable of, and trying to finish quickly is preventing me from being successful.

-Alexander the Zounderkite

Intellectual Theists vs. Intellectual Atheists

Intellectual Christians vs. Intellectual Atheists

 In my experience a well rounded and educated theist doesn't often have major areas of disagreement with me that are peculiar to their theism.  The god they believe in often gives very rational commands, that can be defended rationally.  If I compare myself to philosophically versed theists, they often have a concept of a deity that lacks the ability to cause the problems that are caused by normal conceptions of deities.

In some instances I believe the difference between myself and many philosophical versed theists is not about whether it is rational to beleive in a concept X, but instead a matter of whether or not it is responsible to call concept X a god.

A theological philosopher I've met once said "You aren't a true theologian unless you get accused of being an atheist." I find that more telling than I think many philosophical theists appreciate.

Allow me to give you an example.
I think it is good, for people to look to the human imagination for inspiration. Sometimes that inspiration can be found in human mythology. Aesop's fables don't need to be true stories in order to influence a child to think about moral issues. I think people should look to cultivating imagination in themselves, and the coming generations, because that is what inspires us to care for others, create, and strive to succeed.

The description some philosophical theists provide of their deity is almost identical to my concept of human imagination and inspiration.  But I would disagree with calling human imagination a deity. That's irresponsible on many levels.

By recognizing human imagination as imagination it can be understood to be the result of an individual's limited perspective.  One human being's perspective is not enough. 
There are no moral authorities, or unquestionable authorities with regards to truth. 
But the concept of "God" carries with it, the idea that a God can give individuals specific revelations, and moral imperatives.  The idea that if God gives and individual knowledge, results in the belief that it is right for him to assume all counter-evidence is an illusion.  That is the kind of thinking that justifies suicide bombers, and people who deny the humanity of others when pursuing religious goals. 

The philosophical theists will argue that this isn't their concept of god.
That the people who interpret "God" in this way are merely mistaken about what "God" really is. 

 But I think that their concept of God simply shouldn't be called "God" to avoid these problems.  

However, the difference is, a number of these theists, think that God is a natural kind. That means, they believe it is something we can learn more about it's true nature with exploration and experience. 
I don't.  
I can recognize that the phenomenal experiences people associated with their respective deities are from "human imagination."
They are referring to human imagination when referring to feel inspired by "God."  
But because of the problems with God we should still distinguish. 

Furthermore, considering that I recognize that this can be a semantic distinction between my atheism and another's theism it sometimes seems that my distinction isn't particularly fruitful.
Self-identified theists can be as reasonable as atheists.   

However, despite the problems surfacing about the "New Atheists" i think the movements surrounding atheism are doing more to promote reason than the intellectual theists are.

Because intellectual theists frequently act as if a lack of distinction between their concept of god and the more dangerous concepts is excessive and unnecessary.  The atheists and freethinkers are the ones who are recognizing the importance of critical thinking to a moral education, the theists limit themselves by acting as if faith supersedes reason in importance.  
They wont change the world, because they refuse to say that they are different.  They allow people who vehemently disagree with them join numbers with the unchallenged.

Maybe philosophical theists could be more responsible and make up the difference, and change the meaning of the word "god" in the public realm.

But it seems more productive to me to just admit the difference.  

 -Alexander the Zounderkite


1. Did this post make any sense to anyone else?